Sep 20, 2014

Stay-at-home Moms vs. Working Moms

You know what, that never-ending war which happens between stay-at-home moms and working moms is just unnecessary and stupid. I'll tell you my personal reason in a second.


I figured out that there was a (bloody) discharge from my left breast few months ago. After speaking to some doctor friends, I knew that I need to see an oncologist. Immediately. So I looked for a female oncologist who practices in Jakarta, and managed to get two recommended names, one of which has a super long queue that I have to wait for three months just for one quick appointment. Three freaking months, I kid you not.

To get to my point, you have to understand how unpleasant all the screening and the tests which a suspected (just suspected, btw) breast tumor/cancer patient has to go through, let alone the notorious and rigorous treatments after. And for me, personally, I just wanted to go to a female doctor, for reasons many women--especially who suffer from breast tumor/cancer--can tell. Right then and there I told myself, "gosh, I truly am thankful for these two women's decisions back in the day, that they decided to pursue their career, despite all other roles and responsibilities they may already have, and especially, despite all those terribly hateful comments the working-mom haters throw at them."

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that e-v-e-r-y woman should pursue their career, I even have my own thought (read: somewhat disagree) on that getting to 50/50 idea.

But let me get things straight.

If I have to wait for three months (I ended up meeting her after four months actually, and I had to wait for hours and hours on the appointment day) just to see this doctor due to the queue, it's crystal that my story is not an isolated story. So for you working mom haters, you need to know that we really need more women to take certain roles in this society. No doubt about it, we really do. It's already a tough decision they--those working moms--made, and because of that, they have served many people through their commitments. So don't you (and I) dare to make it even tougher.

And by the way, I'm not going against stay-at-home moms. I have so much respect for those who decide to give their whole life to their family. No doubt it's another tough decision to make. Those who pursue their career (including myself) know it too well that to maintain the focus is one of the most difficult things to do nowadays. That being said, I cherish those who are able to focus on their family. And I cherish them with all my heart.

Needless to say,
enough with that holier/better than thou attitude, women.
It's the time to respect each other.


  1. Maybe not just a mere working-women, but working without forgetting their main role to take care and to accompany their own children at home, heheh ;)

    Btw, how was the diagnosis? I don't think a 20s years old woman could get a breast cancer

    1. Suspected benign, so far. Need one more test and a surgery to complete the diagnosis. Should be fine, I believe. :)

  2. Ah.. nice writing you have. Loooove the reason why we should have more working women in our life. :)

  3. very well said, Nadia. The last paragraph was gold. Salam dari Borneo hehe..