What really needs to change (to achieve parity)

A couple of years ago I was invited to speak by one of the Fortune 500 companies at its headquarter in Jakarta on International Women’s Day. I was invited to share about my work in Wangsa Jelita on women empowerment, why I think it matters, and how the core idea can be implemented, especially by big corporations.

I still remember that I really had a great time as the discussion was really engaging, the questions were excellent, and I even ended up making friends with some people whom I just met on the day.

And I remember what also interesting at the time was when they played a video of employees congratulating their female colleagues on this International Women’s Day. Some gave very sweet remarks, some others made some internal jokes. I personally thought that the idea of the video was very thoughtful. I could see clearly everyone who watched it enjoyed it. However, there was one thing that left me feeling a little uncomfortable. There was a comment made by one of the managers. I cannot recall the exact words but basically it was an encouragement for the single women in the company to delay their marriages, because once they are married their careers would most likely reach a plateau. It was told in a joking manner and yet as explicit as that.

I remember I turned to one female employee sitting next to me and asked what she thought of it. And she said that, I quote, there’s “some truths” in the statement. Some questions immediately popped in my head; is there ever any similar comment directed to the male colleagues—that they should delay their marriages if they do not want their careers to stuck? By extension, does this make men more favorable than women? I did not ask the fellow female colleague further questions on that day, but I did ask some HR friends after that. And my takeaway from some discussions with all of them was that once women get married, they are more likely to be expected to be homemakers rather than to be career women. And when they are faced with a decision that makes them have to choose one, the expectations of them choosing the former is way too heavier. (Only then I finally got what the female employee said that there are “some truths” in the statement.)

A bit of tangent (but not really), just recently, I read an interesting book by Brené Brown in which she mentions about the difference between culture and strategy. She describes strategy as “the game plan” or the detailed answer to the question: “what do we want to achieve and how are we going to get there?” Meanwhile, she explains that culture is less about what we want to achieve but more about who we are. She also quotes two organizational development pioneers, Terrence Deal and Allan Kennedy that “culture is the way we do things around here.”

I like how culture and strategy are described there, and I also think that the description is helpful to better understand the question: what needs to change if we really want to achieve parity? For me, it helps highlighting where to start: Culture. Because I think it only makes sense to speak about changes once we have understood the initial condition (before changes are made), which is pretty much about who we are right now.

My favorite saying on this culture/strategy topic is of Patrick Whitesell.

In the same book, Brené Brown lists 10 questions that can help identifying what the culture of an organization is. Among those questions, I picked five which, I think, are relevant to this discussion:

1. What behaviors are rewarded? Punished? 
2. Where and how are people actually spending their resources (time, money, attention)? 
3. What rules and expectations are followed, enforced, and ignored? 
4. Do people feel safe and supported talking about how they feel and asking for what they need? 
5. What are the sacred cows? Who is most likely to tip them? Who stands the cows back up? 

We can surely ask further and tweak the questions above to see if the culture in our organization actually aims for parity. They can be as explicit as: Do we expect less of a certain gender, especially once we know about their personal decision? Have we actually spent our resources to help both men and women to juggle their roles at work and at home? Do our employees feel comfortable in asking for help for that matter? Even better, have we reached out to them and asked how we can be of support?

I think if we are really honest in answering these questions, the answers that we get—using Brené’s word—will shed light on the darkest area, which we need to improve.

Now, I am neither married nor working in Fortune 500 companies. I may not know exactly how marriages actually affect women’s careers in the company I spoke at. But what I passionately believe is that when organizations really want to achieve parity, close the gender gap, and level their playing field, they must create the culture that does not “punish” women (and men actually) for taking commitments both inside and outside of their homes, but instead enables them to thrive and shine. Regardless.

2016: Everybody's Free (to have a clean sheet)

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, a clean sheet would be it.

According to a poll by the US National Sleep Foundation (yes, there is such thing, I'm surprised as well), 73% of people sleep better on fresh sheets. For couples, sleeping on a comfortable sheet does improve romantic lives. Not bad aye?

On the other hand, a clean sheet can also mean a new start. A fresh perspective. One of the things in life which all of us are constantly in need of.

When you are given a clean sheet, it means you can start over. It can also mean that you don't let your past defines your present. That being said, if you still can't figure out why things went the way they did, so be it. If there's something happened unexplained and has bothered you for years, get over it. It doesn't mean that you're stupid. It simply means that you're strong enough to finally "close the cycles," as Paulo Coelho put it.

And if you think in order to have a clean sheet you need to get professional assistance, then, by all means, go seek one. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with needing or wanting to get some help. In fact, I'll be there to give you a pat in the back for your honesty and bravery.

By the way, if along the process you need someone to cheer you up, I'll be there as well. Whenever I can.

Appreciate the people who accept you for the person you are. Hold on to those who have loved you way before all the titles and awards. Ones who support you. Ones who put things into perspective. And ones who laugh at you in your face, but never behind your back.

April 2016.
The one when I took a stroll down memory lane.

August 2016.
Left-right: Fadhilah -  Fadilla - Fadila

December 2016.
Celebrating HSS after 4 years. Finally.

December 2012.
One fine lunch with endless laugh.

Don't forget to also welcome those who make you a better person. Ones who inspire and prepare you to take the bigger role and responsibility. Ones who remind you about your values. And also ones who help you to find more meanings in life.

June 2016.
So-called "NAK groupies."

May 2016.
This proves that making friends out of events is possible.

June 2016.
Safe to say, it was life-changing.

Let go of the superficial. Admire good characters.

Build your support system. And as you do it, learn to appreciate the progress. Nothing good ever comes easy.

By extension, appreciate the fact that you're not the only one who scuffle. You can set the bar high (for your own self) all you want, but when it comes to others, just be mindful of the progress that they make. Be kind. It's never up to you to judge. Alain de Botton gave a beautiful advice, "feel sympathy, rather than contempt."

Check your own intentions. To help you to do so, check your questions. Stop asking "what" and "how" unless you have exhausted yourself asking "why."

If necessary, fly to Japan. You may probably find your answer there.

June 2016.
The Itsukushima Shrine.

Listen to the people who care about you. And listen carefully! Let their words sink in. That includes when your mom told you, "keep your cool and watch your words whenever you speak," and when your best friend warned you, "if you keep doing that, chances are that you'd lose the perfect gentleman ever walked into your life."

And if by chance you ever think they forgot to remind you, just know what Mark Manson as well said, "well, maybe if you had been listening, bsshole." (Oh, I guess Sheldon Cooper somehow got into him, he suddenly failed to say the A.)

But don't be too hard on yourself. It is okay to struggle. It is okay to slip and make some mistakes. And when you happen to hurt someone, immediately say sorry and mean it.

Don't be self-centered. It is good to take care of your need. It is better not to be reckless about others'.

Have a pet. Take the responsibility of taking care of a creature which will depend entirely on you. If you are lucky (or not), it may also teach you one of the most important lessons in life, that everything we have is bound to end someday.

January 2016.
The usual cat situation at the office.

Be compassionate. Be humble.

Never let your achievements nor titles ever make you think that you are special, even worse, that you think of others as less.

Take some days off, disconnect from your daily activities, and spend some time only with and for your family.

October 2016.
The day when Mom turned 62 years young.

Learn from your siblings. And learn from their kids. Learn from those beautiful souls. They will prove the fact that what you know is just as much as Jon Snow's. You'll be surprised to see how they can put you in your place.

And if that means you have to fly all the way to France, just pack your bag and go.

September 2016.
2 weeks in Pau: extremely well-fed, astonishingly enlightened. 

Laugh. It's the best medicine.

Floss. It will make your laughter an even better medicine to others.

Send postcards. Write letters. And treasure those who send you one(s). In the time when most of things are satisfyingly instant, appreciate the gesture that requires efforts. Remember, mailboxes are not always easy to find.

November 2016.
The one that was sent from B.

December 2016.
The one that was sent by B.

You know what, that "do what you love" advice is pernicious. Don't listen to it. Do what makes you a better and more responsible human being instead. Do what is good and kind.

Be smart. Even better, be wise. It's good to be able to pinpoint what's not working, but it's better to make the best of everything you have, regardless.

Has someone ever told you not to overthink stuff? Let me tell you how. Focus on things that matter and are in your control. Trust God to handle the rest. Never lose hope.

And if you have any problem, talk only to the one(s) who can help you out. Just know that not everyone can.

But trust me on the clean sheet.

..

Adapted from: "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)"

Read also my previous post:
2014: Everybody's Free (to ask questions)

Reflection: Changemakers, Japan, and Impact.

I first heard about ChangemakerXchange from Caroline (Ashoka UK staff). As soon as I read her email--telling about their event which would be firstly held in Asia, I checked the website and looked at the list of the people within the network. It didn't take long to find some familiar names whose works I admire, including my favorite gangster, Christian, that makes sense (pun is intended).

Though I had some questions about what kind of output would be expected, how I should (and whether I could) contribute to the group, yet just the idea of spending time with a group of individuals who also run social ventures to offer solutions for problems in their parts of the world thrilled me. Furthermore, the fact that the program would take place in Japan was another good reason to take some days off and be away from everyone and everything (both literally and figuratively).

Defining "Changemakers"!

I'm a firm believer that people is always the key. I think Matthias' comment was spot on, that the success of the program would be made of three key components--time, space, and people.

Tsuwano, where we spent the first three days.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

The entrance of the temple at Tsuwano, where we had the Open Space session.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

The pond (full of Koi fish) in front of the Community Center at Tsuwano.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

The six precious days being detached from the routines, the beautiful and scenic views and the super fresh air of Tsuwano, I think they were all terrific. But I don't think they would mean much, at least for me, without the interaction among the people during the program.

And before I describe further about what I loved about the group, let me first share few things that I used to have in mind.

You see, the more you hear the word like "Changemaker", chances are the more you question what kind of person this Changemaker really is and what kind of traits and/or characteristic s/he should have. Sometimes I also question if I actually fit to be put in a group of Changemakers. And some other times I simply take the phrase literally and end up having doubt whether the work I do at Wangsa Jelita will ever make a significant change for this world.

It was by being around this group I found the answer to those questions.

A classic group photo after the Open Space session.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Changemakers roar!
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Within the people I met during the program, I noticed all colors of the spectrum--from a high school student from Youth Venture whose project just started in few months (and yet managed to inspire others to copy their work), to my dear Ha Lam (a mother of three, mind you) whose venture has operated in 98 countries. Each and every one of them imbued me with a lot of optimism, and I suppose it is impossible not to clearly see how putting them together in a group can actually further amplify their abilities, making them greater than the sum of their parts, which eventually make a significant change for the better world.

Before the Open Space session.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Before sharing session with Youth Venture.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

The other reason why I loved the people was a lot more personal. And I think Amy put it very well, that this group somehow was able to remind myself about what really matters in life. Some did it by sharing their stories, some others by showing their emotions. (I think it is amazing how one's vulnerability begets others' and bring them closer.)

Last afternoon at the Community center, before heading to Hiroshima.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

One fun night at Tsuwano, "ayyyyyeekk!"
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Not to mention, there were several tips I got from the group too; some practical business do's and don't's (including Snapchat 101, for sure), some great book recommendations, and even some new ice breaking techniques (note to self: never wear toe socks or any kind of socks that appeal to the eyes).

Gee is biji-biji-ing, sharing the importance of sharing!
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Ha's session on Growth.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

One of the bouncy icebreakers.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Wrapping up the third day (the Open Space day) we did a quick summary of how the session was. I remember Jiezhen responded, "so much knowledge in this group!" Boy, she was right.

And yet to add to that point, I'd like to say, "there's just so much compassion too."

Hiroshima and the perspective(s).

One of the most emotional moments I had during the program (other than eating hot Indian food after days of bentos) was when the group went to Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum.

First of all, one thing should be appreciated was the thoughtful schedule arrangement by the ChangemakerXchange organizer team. I really felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. After being overwhelmed by so many insights from the Open Space session (and finally able to calm down by sharing it with the people back home over hours of phone call), the program ended with the remembrance of one heartbreaking tragedy in the past.

Now about the Museum itself..

The exhibition is divided into several parts, including the history of Hiroshima before the bombing, the development and the decision to drop the bomb, and (the most devastating part) its aftermath along with all the horrors. With all those graphic description, it's hard not to think of and pray for your loved ones. It's just too close to home.

Uniform of a student who was exposed to the bomb
less than 1 km from the hypocenter.

However, though I loathe seeing how such awful thing could be done to people (including innocent kids), I have to admit that I had mixed feelings due to another layer of the story which I had been told since I was in elementary. (For those not in the know, the event was a stepping stone which eventually provided the opportunity for some East Asian countries--including mine--to proclaim independence.) It was hard for me to justify one feeling over another. Even harder after seeing those gut wrenching displays of kid victims' belongings.

Nevertheless, I suppose it taught me at least one thing.

Yes, some things in life are pretty clearly right and wrong. But the basic fact of the matter is that this world is a lot more complex. And so are some of the issues in it. I think it is an oversimplification to take one side and entirely agree with it, while completely oppose the others.

(On a tangent, I remind myself of one beautiful advice of Alain de Botton, that we should hold our horses when we're coming to judge people because we don't necessarily know what their true value is.)

A quick wrap up on the last day at the Hiroshima Memorial Peace Park.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

So fortunate to meet one of the survivors, who shared the most beautiful reminder,
that we shouldn't feel spiteful towards what happened in the past.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

Anyhow, the exhibition was no doubt too intense for me, but I'm really grateful for the reminder.

The pursuit of impact!

I came across one book of Simon Sinek just a few months ago, which led me to do a lot of thinking about my personal why. Ever since, I had discussed about it with my partner, Yasmin, as well looked for some enlightenment from my inner circle. I couldn't tell exactly but I felt like I was losing my why and, what makes it even worse, I wasn't sure myself.. why.

It was during the Open Space session when I finally found the final piece of the puzzle.

When Nick described the difference between "output, outcome, and impact," I was completely stunned. It was not because those three words were unfamiliar, but more because it actually helped me to point out how I'd slowly veered away from the thing that I really want to pursue. My personal why. The impact.

I suppose it was the desire to scale the company that had distracted me. Suddenly all I thought was how to merely grow the numbers, beat the competitions, without thinking deeper on how the business could improve lives, and hopefully make better changes in the societal level.

As if Nick's session wasn't enough, Matthias closed the afternoon program with one of the most mind-boggling statements I've ever heard, "the greatest social entrepreneurs are ones who make themselves obsolete."

I talked about it a lot with my team and other social entrepreneurs and there is no lack of emphasis on pursuing impact, but it has never been clearer for me. (And really, if I had to flew, even all the way to another continent just to get this insight alone, I would.)

In sum..

I guess I'll be echoing everyone, but I'll do it anyway.

Thanks to every individual that has contributed to and participated in this program, and allowed me to take part in it. For me personally, those six days were amazing. Probably even transformational. I suppose only time will tell. And I feel so fortunate to join the group.

Lastly, I'm glad that it's just in time for the most blessed time of the year, Ramadan. And I'm raring to practice what I've shared and learned.

The last group discussion at the Hiroshima Memorial Peace Park.
Photo credit: ChangemakerXchange

And I hope it's the same for you.

Pulang Kampuang

It has been 15 years since the last time I visited West Sumatra. I could barely recall the interactions I had with most of my relatives there at the time somehow, but I still do have some vivid memories about some places; like how the neighborhood looked like, where I used to go fishing, or where my cousins and I usually bought snacks. Good times, as far as I can remember.

Therefore, when my parents asked whether I would like to join them Pulang Kampuang1--road-trip, mind you--the answer was no-brainer.

Finally back just few days ago, I believe it's safe to say that it was the most unforgettable trip for many reasons. At least, there are three.

..

First and foremost, THE FOOD!

Most of Indonesians know too well about a West Sumatra traditional song that describes our feelings towards our beautiful homeland which is far-far away (Kampung nan Jauah di Mato2), and, not to mention, the infamous one about one's grieve of losing chicken (Ayam Den Lapeh3)--I, too, wonder why. Even so, the two make a big hit somehow.

And yet what most of us (I, myself, included) didn't know is that there are actually dozens of our songs that talk about our food; Bareh Solok, Salalauak, Katupek Gulai Paku, Lompong Sagu, Kue Mangkuak, Karupuak Sanjai, Kue Sarabi, Sate Piaman, and many others.

Clearly, there's a reason why.

Serving food, Minang way

My favorite Salalauk at Garegeh

It's not because of the quality nor the variety of the food per se that makes the people of West Sumatra very proud of their cuisine. Actually, the culture itself also allows the food to play a central role in the social interaction. A good example to illustrate that is what my dad commented about the people in his village back in the day; that it is embarrassing for them if they cannot serve their guest with a full proper meal, especially if it is a close relative.

Though some people no longer hold on to the tradition nowadays, nevertheless I still observe it from the families which my parents and I visited. Of course, nobody was disappointed. If you know what I mean.

On this point of food, I remember a good friend who, one day, made an interesting point, "each and everyone of us has a currency. Yours, allegedly, is food!"

Being a Minang by blood, I agreed. Assuredly.

THE BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE..

It is undeniably spectacular as it is varied. Eyes are pleased, while photos can never do it justice.

I tried anyway..

Jam Gadang, Bukittinggi

Bukit Barisan, Bukittinggi

Gunung Merapi, Bukittinggi

Batu Limbak, Danau Singkarak

Istana Basa Pagaruyuang, Batusangkar

Puncak Lawang, Kabupaten Agam

Lembah Harau, Nagari Harau

Tarusan Kamang, Nagari Kamang Mudiak

And, on a more serious note, THE LESSONS.

Some places we go for the food, some others for the scenery. Having both reasons in one destination is something, and yet to share that experience with our loved ones gives a whole new meaning.

On being appreciative, particularly towards parents..

The decision to road-trip was the paramount factor why the trip was special. It took us three days and two nights to get to West Sumatra, which gave us plenty of time to talk through many things; about how things worked back in the day, how it influenced my parents' childhood experiences (my most favorite part), and even some hopes we have in this life in the future.

I discovered a lot of new things about my parents through their stories and even through the way they share them. I found that there is much food for thought in understanding of who my parents (and even grandparents) were and are.

Above all, realizing that the decisions they have ever made actually pretty much shapes me and my perspective, helps me to be more appreciative about what I have in life.

May God reward our parents, and may He make us all among the grateful.

"Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return."

It was Saturday and there were six of us--my uncle, my aunt, my cousin, my mom, my dad, and myself--who were just about to have a breakfast together. We were all smiles that morning, and yet in a matter of hours, forget about smiling, there wasn't even a dry eye in the house. My uncle had a cardiac arrest and passed away.

Just a bit about my uncle, Om Wawoh, he was very beloved to the whole family and will surely be missed. May God grant him paradise and reunite us all there.

Looking back, I think the lessons I've learned in the past few years has been constant; that no individual is in full control of all things, and that the time that each and every one of us has is limited. I feel like I knew that full well. Apparently, that doesn't change the fact that the death of our beloved one is a hard pill to swallow.

Obviously, the trip ended in a way that was no where near my expectations, still I found that it was one of the best reminders I have ever had. Witnessing someone--not to mention, one who is near and dear--breathed his last breathe instantaneously just shook me to the core. It was, by all means, impossible to be forgotten.

Lastly, may God make it easy for us to be more appreciative to what we have.


Footnotes
1. (literally) Pulang: go (back) home; Kampuang: hometown
2. I found that this link translates the whole lyric pretty well.
3. Read the full lyric here. It is one of the most interesting and (to me) intriguing song there is. I even asked my parents whether Minang people--probably back in the days, who knows--have so much love for chicken. My mom responded with laughter, while my dad answered with a joke. I suppose it remains a mystery. 

Character Quest (1)

When it comes to a role model for business in Islam, many will most likely refer to Abdur Rahman bin Auf, one of the most virtuous and super generous companions whom we can also consider as one of the most successful businessmen of his time. To describe his wealth, there was one day when his business caravan--laden with goods (to be sold for business)--was so enormous, so much so that the front camel was on one end of the border city of Medina, while the last camel was on the other border across.

It is understandable why Abdur Rahman bin Auf was such a role model just from how that story beautifully ends (long story short, he gave the whole caravan for charity).

No wonder, radiAllahu anhu.

Only very recently I knew that, on this matter, there's another person to whom the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) actually gave such high appraisal and compliment.1

That person was the Prophet's (PBUH) first business partner when he (PBUH) started to do business in his 20's. He was known by the name of As-Saib bin Abi As-Saib (Saib the son of the father of Saib)--who later on became a muslim--also known as Abu Saib, radiAllahu anhu.

It was narrated that after about forty years (during the conquest of Mecca), the Prophet (PBUH) met Abu Saib, and in front of his companions he (PBUH) said,
"Abu Saib is the best business partner! He would never undercut somebody while doing business and he would never lie and cheat."

Some questions immediately came in mind when I heard about this story, but there was one that intrigued me most: why did the Prophet (PBUH) describe his business partner that way?

In the same narration, it's mentioned that both the Prophet (PBUH) and Abu Saib made a good profit, so obviously they're smart enough to run the business in such young age. So why didn't the Prophet (PBUH) describe Abu Saib from that perspective? 

Meanwhile, you know, when people talk about so-called successful entrepreneurs nowadays, words like "creative" or "innovative" are usually used to describe them. Also, more often than not, people use the word "inspiring."

Although in some occasions I can't help but ask, "how inspiring is inspiring?" Don't you think what's inspiring to one, may not be inspiring to others (vice versa)? Anyway, that's not really my point.

So again, back to my question, why did the Prophet (PBUH) describe someone--being the best business partner, or businessman rather--that way? Why not, first and foremost, mention his intelligence for example? Of course honesty and nobility are very important--I get it, don't get me wrong--but among other qualities this man has, why was that particular attribute pointed out?

I think I'll just end my writing there.


Footnotes
1. One of my favorite episodes of Seerah by Sheikh Abdul Nasir Jangda, "Muhammad the Business Man & a Marriage Proposal"

The Art of Negotiation

One of the lectures that I really enjoyed when I participated at the Executive Education Programme at INSEAD in 2012 was, indeed, of Nuno Delicado. In a nutshell, it's about the art of negotiation.

I got some takeaways that I'd love to share, but since experience has taught me (the hard way) that a full 75%, if not more, of work happens before the negotiation ever starts, I'll just be focusing on sharing things that we should acknowledge before we start any negotiations in particular.

At his class, Nuno shared an interesting story of two sisters who fight over an orange. Their mother then comes to solve the problem by cutting the orange into two halves and give one half to each daughter, which seems to give the story a happy ending. Alas, not really. Because the next thing she notices is that the first daughter takes her half of orange, peels it, and eats it; while the other daughter takes it, peels it, and throws the inner part away (she only uses the orange skin for the cake she wants to make).

We might not share similar sentiment about the orange, but in one way or another, the case relates very well with some point in our life. It is when the solution we take doesn't give a win-win result for everyone involved.

And in the story itself there lays the very first lesson. Disagreement may happen in a mere casual manner; between sisters, a husband and a wife; or in a more formal situation; between an employee and an employer, or in other case, an entrepreneur and an investor; you name it. And the truth is that there's nothing wrong with having a disagreement. In fact, it is actually a good healthy sign (as opposed to a disagreement which happens under the radar). What's important is to understand how to settle the differences. And that's when a negotiation plays its role.

From what I've learned both in Nuno's class and by experience, there are three key points we need to acknowledge in getting ourselves prepared for a negotiation.

#1 Understand our goal AND how our counterpart can help us to achieve it

It really is a big of a deal to understand what our goal is clearly. I'll even say, the more precisely we can describe it, the better.

Furthermore, it also helps us to distinguish which negotiation worth our time. If our counterpart can't help us, particularly, in achieving our goal, then there's no point to have him/her to negotiate with.

#2 Understand our counterpart's goal AND how we can help them

Of course, the most logical reason why we want to start a negotiation is because it benefits us. Then, acknowledge, so does our counterpart. If we want a negotiation works for us in achieving our goal, do acknowledge, so does our counterpart.

#3 Plan B Understand our limit

Once we have figured out what we and our counterpart want and how we can help each other, basically we're ready for the negotiation. Unfortunately, in real life, things don't always go as planned. Some people may suggest to have a plan B (or even a plan Z) if, God forbid, our first ultimate scenario doesn't work.

But just to be clear, it's a matter of preference. I don't believe in plan B's simply because, I think, they're distracting me from my plan A's. Hence, I, personally, rather suggest to understand our limit and when the time to walk away when things don't go as planned.

From my experience, it's very helpful to answer all questions below before the negotiation starts:
- What is the best scenario we want to get out of the negotiation?
- What is the least thing we want to get out of the negotiation?
- What can we offer to our counterpart?
- What can't we offer to our counterpart?
- What is our deal-breaker?

Those questions matter because sometimes people confuse the deal of a negotiation as the goal, instead of the means. We need to remember that the goal is the goal, and the negotiation and the deal are just means. That being said, if our counterpart doesn't serve the very least thing we want out of the negotiation and/or propose the idea that hits our deal-breaker, then it is a sign for us to walk away.

Lastly, do note that one thing we need to keep in mind is that the negotiation is a success if it benefits both parties by creating a win-win solution. In other words, if one negotiates in order to get a win/lose deal, then he/she is completely missing the point.

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson

DISCLAIMER 

Foremost, just to be clear, I've never been a big fan of Steve Jobs or Apple. Neither a hater. I've never bought any Apple products myself, and in fact, my phone is the one which Steve Jobs called "shit" and "crap" (pffft). I used to know Steve Jobs as "The Apple Guy" whose commencement speech to Stanford in 2005 has truly fascinated me. Up until I'm writing this, never had I found any other commencement addresses that could be that moving and inspiring, not even my favorite Oprah's.

And about the author, well, I've only been on a reading frenzy for the last two years, and this is the first book of Walter Isaacson that I've ever read.

That being said, I believe I don't have any tendencies to be positively/negatively biased towards this book.


BRIEFLY ABOUT THE BOOK 

I think an outstanding biography must have three things.

1. Comprehensive research which involves multiple perspectives and rich of resources
2. Excellent wording and narrative. Yup, excellent! Just 'good' is not enough. We're speaking of a lifetime being compressed in one book here, it had better be easy to read 
3. And last but never the least: one compelling subject 

Managed to finish reading this massive 600+ pages book within two weekends, it is safe to say that this book has all three.

I was thinking to write a review, but then I thought that I would just echo many people and might be the last person on earth to do so. Thus, I changed my mind and decided to write my personal takeaways instead.


THE TAKEAWAYS! 

As Steve Jobs commented when he was talking with Ann Bowers, reminiscing about his past, "I did learn some things along the way," well, so did I - reading his (rather incomplete) history.

The book taught me some important lessons. As a matter of fact, we can find thousands, if not more, of links revolving around that topic. Some came up with 5, 10, even 20 key points.

I will only focus into 3.

#1 People are the key; keep the A players and kick the bozos out of your circle! 

For most things in life, the range between best and average is 30% or so. The best airplane flight, the best meal, they may be 30% better than your average one. What I saw with Woz was somebody who was 50 times better than the average engineer. He could have meetings in his head. The Mac team was an attempt to build a whole team like that, A players. People said that they wouldn’t get along, they’d hate working with each other. But I realized that A players like to work with A players, they just didn’t like working with C players. At Pixar, it was a whole company of A players. When I got back to Apple, that’s what I decided to try to do. 

- Chapter 28, p. 363

For me, one of the fascinating parts in this book is when Steve Jobs got back to Apple in 1996 since his ouster eleven years earlier. I wonder what his first move would be and I noted that it was to re-manage the team. The book also mentioned that Steve Jobs had something called 'the bozo list' with names of whom he wanted to kick out of the company.

Though seemed to be harsh, I found his reasoning makes a lot of sense. As he later stated what he has learned over the years that "when you have really good people, you don't have to baby them." Well, obviously, he didn't have any interest to baby anyone (if you catch my drift). Nevertheless, he managed to save the company with this approach.

Speaking of keeping the A players, one of my favorite parts of the book suggests another idea,

One day Jobs barged into cubicle of one of Atkinson's engineers and uttered his usual "This is shit." As Atkinson recalled, "The guy said, 'No it's not, it's actually the best way,' and he explained to Steve the engineering trade-offs he'd made." Jobs backed down. Atkinson taught his team to put Job's words through a translator. "We learned to interpret 'This is shit' to actually be a question that means, 'Tell me why this is the best way to do it.'" 

- Chapter 11, p. 122 

I think the A players are not merely those who know and are excel at what they're doing, but also those who can work in the team, that means those who understand and are able to see the greater picture whenever necessary, as Atkinson did.

By stating the importance of having the role of Bill Atkinson, I'm not saying that Steve Jobs' rudeness and tantrums were wholly acceptable. I think there are lots of better ways. And there is always a better way. But certain way works for certain people. Choices are, either we want to accept it and make the best out of it, or disapprove and move on. To Steve Jobs' Mac team, the answer was crystal. When he challenged Isaacson to ask any member of that Mac team (who managed to tolerate his attitude) whether it was worth the pain, most of them answered that it was. I think like Atkinson, they understand the greater picture. A players, indeed.

#2 As the wise man once said "try to be everything, and you'll end up be nothing"

.."Stop!" he shouted at one big product strategy session. "This is crazy." He grabbed a magic marker, padded to a whiteboard, and drew a horizontal and vertical line to make a four-squared chart. "Here's what we need," he continued. Atop the two columns he wrote "consumer" and "Pro"; he labeled the two rows "Desktop" and "Portable." their job, he said, was to make four great products, one for each quadrant. "The room was in dumb silence," Schiller recalled. 

 - Chapter 25, p. 337 

Frankly, if I were there among the group, I don't know if I could hold myself not to run to him and give him a hug (braingasm alert). But if I really were there, I'm pretty sure my jaw would drop as it did when I was reading.

To be able to maintain his focus intensely is one of the best traits that Steve Jobs had. When he took the top 100 employees on a retreat, he, again, showcased how the company should focus. He understood what the company was good at and he maintained it to focus on that particular area. An advise he gave to Larry Page exposed the same trait,

Figure out what Google wants to be when it grows up. It's now all over the map. What are the five products you want to focus on? Get rid of the rest, because they're dragging you down. They're turning you into Microsoft. They're causing you to turn out products that are adequate but not great. 

- Chapter 41, p. 552 

#3 There is a subtle yet huge difference between 'making a dent in the universe' and 'making a hell lot of money' 

I never worried about money. I grew up in a middle-class family, so I never thought I would starve. And I learned at Atari that I could be an okay engineer, so I always knew I could get by. I was voluntarily poor when I was in college and India, and I lived a pretty simple life even when I was working. So I went from fairly poor, which was wonderful, because I didn't have to worry about money, to being incredibly rich, when I also didn't have to worry about money.

I watched people at Apple who made a lot of money and felt they had to live differently. Some of them bought a Rolls-Royce and various houses, each with a house manager and then someone to manage the house managers. Their wives got plastic surgery and turned into these bizarre people. This was not how I wanted to live. It's crazy. I made a promise to myself that I'm not going to let this money ruin my life. 

- Chapter 9, p. 105 

I couldn't help but notice how Steve Jobs kept iterating that money was never his motivation; when he succeeded to make Apple go public in 1980, when PIXAR went IPO in 1995, even when he blamed John Sculley for Apple's decline. All narrow down to one idea and one idea only, that, to make a dent in the universe--as he'd always aimed for-- should always be the goal and the motivation. Everything else, that includes money and profit, should be treated as nothing but merely a means.

Among many occasions when Steve Jobs stating the idea, here's the one I love most,

I hate it when people call themselves "entrepreneurs" when what they're really trying to do is launch a startup and then sell or go public, so they can cash in and move on. They're unwilling to do the work it takes to build a real company, which is the hardest work in business. That's how you really make a contribution and add to the legacy of those who went before. You build a company that will still stand for something a generation or two from now. That's what Walt Disney did, and Hewlett and Packard, and the people who built Intel. They created a company to last, not just to make money. That's what I want Apple to be. 

- Chapter 42, p. 569 

I don't think I have ever heard anyone said it better than he did.


THE CODA: AND ONE MORE THING...

I know. You wonder if this book is worth the read?
Well honey, you tell me.

..

Had you been alive today, I'd say, Happy 59th Birthday, Steve Jobs. 

Change Management*

Of all companies that plan to create transformations, only 12% achieve success. By success, that means there are realizations (the good and expected results) and sustainability.

The major difference those 12% made was "anticipating and mitigating risks!"

At individual level, we can only ask people to change 1-2 things at a time (in 3-6 months period).

Asking them to change 10 things at a time is like asking them to change nothing.

Like a sponge, people have finite capacity to absorb changes.

When people in your company get upset and become resistant to the change, maintain the communication, and communicate a compelling DESTINATION that appeals to both heart and mind.

Note: reluctance is healthy, and actually, a good sign. When it comes to changes and uncertainties, people will always be reluctant, and it's not because whether or not the changes and/or uncertainties are good, but it's because changes disrupt their expectations. And that's normal. That's okay.

If you managed to maintain the communication yet they keep upset, then it is the time to listen! People need to be listened. And when they communicate, ask them what are things that don't work, and ask them to propose some options to tackle the problems.

Build a healthy sponsorship spine, and identify sponsors bottom-up.

..

*My personal takeaways from Bain Breakfast meeting on 19/2. Credit goes to Patrick Litre.

The Real Meaning of "Detachment"

There was once a businessman who was dealing in cloth. His business flourished and it made him owned property and wealth.

One day, when he was delivering a lecture, some people came and broke the news by interrupting him that all the four ships carrying his goods had sunk. This is the equivalent of someone finding out that they have lost a big amount of money. The man paused for a moment, and then said, “Praise be to God," and he continued his lecture.

After sometime, the same people again came rushing in to tell him that they were mistaken and that it wasn't his ships that sunk, and his ships were fine. Again, he paused, and he said, "Praise be to God," and he continued his lecture.

His same reaction on the two opposite situations created a flutter of curiosity among his students. So they asked the man.

The man explained that when he was first told that his ships had sunk, he paused to examine his heart. And he found that it unmoved by the loss, so he thanked God for that. And then when he was told that the news was wrong and that his ships were actually fine, he paused and examined his heart. Again, he found it unmoved. So he thanked God for that.

In other words, his gratefulness wasn't for the gain or the loss, but it was for the fact that his heart was not attached to the gain or the loss.

This story reminds me of a saying of Ali (RA) that the concept of living this (temporary) life 'with a sense of detachment' doesn't mean that we do not (or should not) own anything, but it means that (we should let) nothing owns us.

Obviously the man understood the concept very well.

P.S. The story was of Abu Hanifa, one great scholar, one of the four great Imams of fiqh.

Let's worry about VALUE!

"Consider the conventional wisdom - 'it costs so much more money (5-10 much more) to acquire a new customer, so (better to) work hard to keep the ones you have!'

I'm sure that many of you have heard that advice, and even if you haven't, it makes a lot of sense, right? 

I don't want to suggest that conventional wisdom is untrue. It probably is true. It does cost more to acquire a new customer, especially a good new customer. But what's my take on it??

Let's NOT focus on costs. Let’s NOT worry about costs. 

Let's worry about VALUE!

We're spending too much time, more importantly, we're spending too much money, retaining customers who aren't really that valuable to us. 

Maybe we'd better off reaching a little bit higher, spending a little bit of money to go out there and find a customer (or a group of customers) who might actually be more valuable than some of those, eh, 'customers' we're spending so much time trying to retain and develop.

Again, the conventional wisdom might be right. But when you take this forward looking value oriented perspective, then this kind of conventional wisdom won't really impact you that much.

Don't be so cheap. Don't be so lazy. Go out there and figure out where the valuable potential customers reside. And do what it takes to get them on board, and then let nature takes its course."

- Peter Fader, Wharton Marketing Professor on one of his lectures on Coursera, An Introduction on Marketing - Customer Development Part II. 

..

The way I understand it...
For such and such reason, some of us have that tendency to keep everyone, who has touched our life, to be always around. Alas, it potentially creates biases that influence our decisions, which sometimes can do more harm than good.

Firstly, the fact that we are all not inherently similar/equal/compatible makes it necessary for us to recognize that some people are (subjectively) more 'valuable' than others.

Please don't get me wrong. Here when I mentioned 'valuable', though the epiphany was from a business lecture, that has nothing to do with money. Trust you can understand that.

Furthermore, it is also important to know that even when two people are compatible at the present time, there MIGHT be an expiration date. Why? The answer is simply because people grow. Some people grow towards the same direction, some others grow apart. Needless to say, the expiration date applies to the latter.

Acknowledging those facts above, I think, will help us in reminding ourselves to keep connected with and surrounded by the best people we can have. It will help us to screen those who are just too trivial to be worth keeping.

All in all, I should note that, no, it's not because one is better/higher than others. That's not the point. And no, it's not about making a choice of whom we should treat well or badly - I believe we should always do good to everyone. 

But it's more about making a choice of who are valuable enough that they deserve our (continuous) efforts.

Lastly, one question remains. 

How do we distinguish the valuable ones from bunch who are not?

Well, that, I think, will be another discussion.