May 9, 2013

How is LOVE defined?

"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza. What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them. 

"What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!) Of course not. 

"When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator until it gets all green and moldy. It doesn't matter to me anymore. 

..

Hell I know about love. "Love" is probably one of the most abused words ever, sometimes it loses its real meaning. 

I once thought that I was in love if it excites me, stimulates me, gives me the "high" that I need which keeps me going. Now I'm reading what I just wrote, seems like I was talking about energy drink. False ads.

Another approach of defining the word comes from a friend who said that the one she loves is the one whom she wants to meet on a regular basis, with whom then she can share her days and gain some insights. Listening to her words I don't think she needs someone to love/be loved. I think she needs a psychiatrist and/or a consultant. 

The best (at least for now) definition is of one of my closest friends - 'Love is something we can only understand after we get married' (obviously he was referring to the man-woman kind of love, not children-parents' or brothers-sisters', you know what I mean). I somewhat disagreed at first though I kept it to myself and just decided to zip my mouth at the time. However, the words have lingered ever since.

I told one of my girl friends about his 'theory' and she twisted, 'it is something we can only understand after we're married committed'. I got her point. I understand how each of them perceives the word and I start to think that both of them were right. Although I think the problem with her premise is that no consideration is given to 'how committed is committed?'. Thus I prefer to stick with the previous one - it is something we can only understand after we get married.

As I start to believe to what my friend said above, I recognize that there is an incredible wisdom why the Almighty has ordered us refraining from intimacy (and its all kind of form) before marriage. The Quran gives 'marriage' a strong status - 'mitsaqan ghaliza', meaning 'a solemn covenant'. An article, that I read just recently, puts some humor and translates it as 'a multi-gazillion dollar deal with God'. 

In other words? It's a big fat real deal.

I know my writing starts to lose its direction somehow (pfft) but knowing that "love" is correlated with a big fat real deal is pretty heart-warming, I think. 

..

"These are two very different definition of the word 'love'. It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you? 

"Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?' 

Mary Beth Bonacci


my attempt at humor, pizza love.