Sep 18, 2011


Yesterday, I had a short yet meaningful conversation with my best friend about the guy we should date, or maybe regarding our age (yea rite), the guy we should marry.

So my best friend, (call her) A, had a great confusion in choosing the right man for her. Long story short, I told her to choose the one who can fill her needs.

Out of the blue, this "finding the right man who can fill your needs" mused me on my way back to Bandung last night.

The one I need?? 
Let's see.

When I was 13 (no, I'm not singing Bieber's song, if you know what I mean), I loved basketball more than I loved food (Oh yes, I was skin and bones back then). I always love to hang out with people with similar interests and I always love people who can teach me something new. Later did I know that the guy who could do three point shot effortlessly and taught me how to do it took my heart away.

Few years later, when all those love stories started to be brought out on movies or through songs, teen-me had her own kind version of prince charming. The one who would sing for me on the stage, treated and spoiled me like a princess in a fairy tale, or the one who could give me the kind of feeling which people write love songs about must be the one, so I thought.

As years go by and things get tougher, my standard gets higher.
I'm still in love with love, but romance alone is not enough.

I grew up and started to figure out who I really am and what I really like, I learned and found out that I could take a good care of myself, yet I needed someone to guide me, to tell me what and what not. And later I found myself infatuated to the man with a strong sense of leadership.

And then I began to find and build my connection with God. I tried hard to find my way to approach Him. I needed someone who could bring me closer to Him, and the closer he takes me, the more I'm convinced that he's the one.

I also started to build my own sense of leadership so 'telling me what to do' stuff was no longer a good idea. I needed someone who could respect my decision and wanted to reconcile.

Now I have nephews and have fallen in love with them since the day I held their hands. I love them so very much and I need my man to feel the same way. If my nephews adore him, so do I. And oh,, yes, family man is a must.

As I face more problems in life, I need mental stimulation. I need someone whom I can have a great discussion with. Of course I don't need a simple minded guy. I need someone who uplifts me, inspires me, or even better, makes me a better woman.

When most men are scared away by my ambition in achieving my goals, I need a man to challenge me even more. The more he challenges me, the more I fall for him.

Anyway, no matter how heartless I may look outside, I'm still a woman at heart. I need a man who can understand me and my fragility. It's easy to see me burst into tears for some stuff, even for the cheesiest one like you find on movies, and I need a man who can understand that. I don't need him to cry with me (of course), but I need him to show some love.

But you know what, after writing all those things above, I started to realize that the right one is not necessarily him who can fill all my needs. As Oprah said 'you can have it all, you just can't have it all at once', I always find a man who is good at some stuff, yet bad at some other stuff, and that's okay.

Today I need a man who can tell me that everything's alright and nothing to be worried about, but maybe someday I learn to say that to myself and my confidence grow bigger than ever like nothing scares me, so later I may need someone who keeps me grounded.

Now I want a man who can give me huge amount of affection, but maybe as I get older I just need someone who can hold my hand, not for the affection reason, but because I may tremble when I walk.

As time goes by, my needs change. I don't need a man who can fulfill all things that I need, I might hardly find one anyway. I need a man who is willing to learn and grow with me, as I choose him to be the one whom I would like to grow old with.

And even he doesn't have all things that I need him to have now, as long as he never stops learning and trying to be better, he might not be a perfect man in this whole world, yet he is definitely the perfect man for me.